Where is the button to switch on irrationality?
No, seriously! I want to be illogical and irrational and moody! Where is the damn button to switch on that mood and most importantly, stay there?
It all started like this. I got up this morning in a jolly mood. Weekends feel like one has to spend them in a jolly mood. It was all looking up until the rest of the family began showing up.
The distance from uphill to downhill was crossed in less than 30 seconds. The kid and the kid’s dad said/did stuff that made me go from chirpy, not-a-care-in-the-world happy to a fire-breathing monster in the blink of an eye. Never mind what it was all about. Inconsequential.
I gave the family the cold shoulder for about half an hour before I realized that they did not feel the cold shoulder at all. I was hurt and upset by the incident and the fact that they did not feel my icy vibes. I retired to the balcony away from public glare which did not exist in the first place. Both of them were going about their business oblivious to my state of mind. What the fish!
I drank my coffee staring at the beautiful blue sky dotted with freshly laundered white clouds and pondering over life. See this — right here! I am already drifting away from my bad mood. It hasn’t been even an hour and I am busy admiring nature, enjoying my coffee, and clicking pictures of the pretty sights. What the hell is wrong with me?
Since I had suddenly disappeared, the family got wind of the fact that something was amiss. The kid plopped herself on the bench next to me and asked me why I was in such a mood.
I took the next 2–3 minutes to calmly explain what had transpired and why I felt upset. She looked like she understood. Then she went away. Not sure what happened inside, but shortly after that the empty spot on the bench was taken by the husband. Again, I calmly explained to him what they both had said/done, and why that bothered me. I gave him the history behind my reaction and reminded him that I was touchy about this particular issue. He had forgotten. He remembered and fully understood. He went as far as to say sorry. Wow!
Do you see what I am getting at? The family gets off easy. I don’t throw things, I don’t leave them guessing. Instead, I give them a well-thought-out and logical explanation for my behavior, and ten minutes after that, I am back in action as if nothing had happened.
Who does that? Aren’t we supposed to walk around like dark clouds for hours on end? Aren’t the guilty parties supposed to chew their nails out trying to trawl through their memories for everything they said or did over the last few days?
Instead, I give them a clear explanation for my bad mood with action items sometimes. If they don’t realize I am upset, and that happens too, I find them and give them the summary. Crazy, right?
I’ll tell you why I do what I do.
First — life is too short to waste moping and being upset and angry. Really! Every minute spent in a bad mood is a minute spent not being happy or having fun. What do we gain from it? I’d much rather invest the energy to lift myself out of the bad mood than waste the same energy to keep myself simmering in the stew of depression. I catch hold of the family and explain my mood so that I can move on!
Second — I don’t trust my memory. In a short while, I am capable of forgetting why I was upset and getting on with life. I need to do the necessary knowledge transfer to those clueless guilty parties within that small window of time. I know how they think. “Let’s give her a little time and space. She will forget and get back to normal.” Ha! Can’t let them get away unscathed each time, can I?
Just sometimes though, I wonder how it would be to throw a colossal tantrum and walk around with an angry cloud over my head for hours on end. Unfortunately, my conclusion has always been — it will be very tiring for me. So I never try.
Anu Anniah Writes 