How to Make Money as a Homewrecker

Satire

My name is Brittany. I have a regular 9 to 5 job, and homewrecking is a freelance side hustle. Since I discovered this interesting side hustle, I wonder if I should take it up full time. Meanwhile, I thought I should share some tips so that more people can benefit from this.

What is a homewrecker?

A homewrecker has a well-defined job description. There is no ambiguity about the roles and responsibilities. One simply needs to help break up a marriage. According to recent data, nearly 39% of marriages end in divorce. There are 62 million married couples in the US alone. Do the math!! There is clearly a huge and untapped market for this job.

Guilty? People ask me this all the time <eyes rolling>. Why should I be guilty? If a woman seeks me out to prove something about her husband, either she is messed up, or he is. If I am being hired, clearly something is already wrong with the relationship. And if I am successful, it just proves it, doesn’t it? So, nope, not guilty.

Now let me tell you how you can do this too.

Getting started

1. Attend a short course on disguises. You need to look different for each gig. You don’t want to be traceable and definitely don’t want an identity as a homewrecker. Stock up on a few wigs, sunglasses, artificial moles, and so on to alter your appearance for each gig. This is critical because men talk, and women talk too! Men may describe their new pastime to a few friends over a beer. And women may have passed on your reference and photos to a few of their friends. Notoriety is not good for this profession.
2. Keep a list of names ready for each gig you create. This is painful but necessary because using the same name might bring you unnecessary fame. The key skill for this profession is the ability to remain inconspicuous.
3. You need to master the art of flirting and grabbing the target’s attention. This is a ‘do or die’ skill. If you don’t have the chops for this, look for a different profession!
4. You need multiple single-use mobile numbers that you can discard after each gig. I add these costs to my service bill.
5. Finally, you need a trusted assistant to help with photography. Decide a reasonable split with the assistant. I go with 75–25. Keep scouting for new assistants though. They figure out how ridiculously easy this hustle is and branch off on their own. Sigh!

Defining your gig

There are several sites where you can list your gigs. My favorites are Sixer and SideWork. They allow you to create multiple gigs with different names.

The sharpness and clarity of your gig will help customers zero in on you easily. I offer the following packages. You can define your own depending on how flexible you are.

Wives are more than happy to pay for these gigs. If all goes per plan, this will be a tiny speck compared to their alimony package.

The phone package

This one is limited to phone conversations only. This is my favorite. It takes hardly any time or effort. My charges for this gig are nominal.

Job scope and deliverables

• Call the target and indulge in some interesting phone conversations with him. Most targets will take the bait.
• The turnaround time is 7 days. I record at least 4–5 calls of half-hour duration during this time. Plenty of evidence for the wife to confront the errant husband.

Requirements

The wife needs to provide the husband’s phone number. That’s all. The satisfaction rate is pretty high on this overall.

Pro tip: I had to go through a few scripts to learn how to indulge in enticing conversations.

The light package

This is where I make the most money and have lots of fun. Sometimes I meet truly interesting men and feel sorry to see them go. But business is business.

Job scope and deliverables

• 2–3 meetings at local pubs for drinks and maybe a dance
• Clear, non-grainy photos of the target sitting close to me. I carefully choose places where close-sitting is promoted by the seating arrangements. This just makes things easier. 3–4 such photos clinch the job.

Pro tip: Make sure you sit under low light while the target’s face is brightly lit. I learned this from experience. But you can put it to use from day 1.

Requirements

The wife has to provide a photo and the phone number of the husband, along with his usual route and hangouts.

The serious package

I rarely use this gig as it really pushes my boundaries. I may be running a side hustle, but I don’t want it to become a whole different profession! Sometimes though, I may have to upgrade to this package from the light one because the target is challenging.

Job scope and deliverables

• At least 3–4 drink/dinner dates involving some light kissing and petting.
• At least 10 non-grainy and clear photos of the target in a close encounter with me

Requirements

• Invest in sexy evening dresses.
• Buy good perfumes and makeup. At no point do I want to come across as cheap.
• Good clothes for my assistant since she has to be at the scene and blend in while she clicks the right pictures.

Final advice

• Be clear about the job. Tell yourself that the home was broken already, and you are just helping expose the cracks. When talking to the targets, I get the feeling that they are equally desperate to get out of the marriage. In such cases, you are actually doing them a favor — a social service.
• When you go out with the targets, let your hair down, and have some fun. I select places that I have always wanted to go to. These are the perks of the job. Free food and drinks at fancy places. Neither your target nor the client is short on money. So, enjoy!
• Hakuna Matata!!