The Lockdown is Turning Wives Into Barbies


And also Rapunzel…?

Photo by Rana Sawalha on Unsplash

Let’s face it! Lockdown and isolation are bringing out the best, worst, and other hidden talents among men and women alike.

Among the various talents that are now surfacing, the strangest has got to be this.

Husbands and sons need haircuts more often than wives. Most men fret if their hair grows a half-centimeter more than the usual. I don’t understand the fuss, but that’s beside the point.

Now with the lockdown, barbers are hard to come by. In fact, they are not available (except maybe in some States in the US I am told…)

Girls are growing hair equally fast, but they can get away with long hair. Being Rapunzel and being rescued by a handsome prince is probably on the wish list of most girls.

What should young boys and men with fast-growing hairdo?

Option 1

They could volunteer their heads as nests for the local birds. Would save the birds a lot of trouble.

Option 2

They could run those electric shavers through their hair and create all manners of new-fangled hairstyles. Some husbands I know have opted for this. And the results have been…well, let’s just say thank God they are not leaving home or visiting other humans.

Option 3

Let the mommy or wife trim the unruly crop.

Option 3 is where I am headed. Men who chop and trim hair at salons are called Barbers. So I wondered what the gender-equivalent would be.

Barbie sounded just right.

Therefore wives at home are turning into Barbies.

Husbands and sons are now a nervous lot. They are not particularly looking forward to a hair cut by a newbie Barbie. Yet, Options 1 and 2 hardly sound rational.

In spite of front view and rear-view mirrors held at strategic locations, husbands seem to be incapable of giving themselves a selfie haircut.

So they look here and there and spot the wife. She chops truckloads of vegetables into proportionate pieces in a jiffy. She cuts and sews like a maestro. She should be able to manage hair!

Yup! This is the story I hear from so many of my friends.

The Sons are the Guinea Pigs

The husbands quickly volunteer the sons for the haircut by Barbie. The argument is that if this experiment goes wrong, at least the young boys have a greater chance of hair sprouting back. For near-balding men, a haircut gone wrong might spell the end of their crowning glory!

The sons stoically grin and bear the haircut by mommy. Many of my friends are competing with each other to prove that they are better Barbies.

Before and after photos are being bandied about with pride and excitement. To their credit, the sons manage a brave smile, especially in the ‘before’ pic where they are unsure about what fate is about to befall them.

Some husbands view the results of the experiment with great joy, and give themselves up for the betterment of Barbie’s new career.

The Wary Husbands

But some of my male friends are still sceptical. They’d rather go with option 1 and rent out their hair to the birds, if push comes to shove. Their theory goes like this.

Who in their right mind will willingly allow a wife to bring a sharp instrument close to their head? Especially given that wives have the memory of an elephant. All past unforgiven crimes of the husband may flash past their eye at the precise moment when the scissors come in contact with the husband’s head…

These husbands claim that they don’t want to be held responsible for converting dainty Barbies into demonic barbarians!

Barber, Barbie, Barbarian

And thus we have a whole generation of women who have converted homes into salons. It takes courage to hold a pair of scissors or a shaver and shape the hair as needed. It takes skill to ensure that the shape is er..actually a style. And finally, it takes a great amount of will power to overcome the urge to tip over from Barbie to Barbarian…

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