Humor
And you thought bathrooms were merely to bathe, pee, and poop
Usually, bathrooms are meant for just that. To bathe, pee, and poop. Some of us go there to escape all the drama outside. We hope for some quiet times, maybe get some reading done, contemplate on life, and such like, peacefully, undisturbed. Stretch it a bit further. Pamper oneself with a long soak, scented candles, soft towels…sigh!!
But my bathroom doesn’t let me do any such thing.
Bee Visits
There is a small window in the bathroom and there is ample light and air. Good, right? Yes, except, the window has slanted glass plates with a small gap at the top. What does this mean? This means that tiny bees can come and go as they please.
I have no idea why they feel the need to come into my bathroom. Maybe they think of me as a pretty flower? Regardless, every morning, without fail, one finds a few bees buzzing inquisitively by the window, and then a couple of them troop in.
Those moments are a bit worrisome. What if they nip you gently on your cheek? Or decide to explore your ear?
You can’t run out in a hurry to escape them because…
Instead of peacefully finishing whatever one has to do in bathrooms, the next few minutes are spent plotting. What to do if the bee gets too close? Hose it down with water — what if it drowns and dies? Gently push it with the toilet roll — too expensive. Open the window so that the bee can fly out — several of them are waiting outside for their turn. I don’t need that kind of buzz!
And the strangest thing. Almost every day, there is one dead bee lying somewhere in the bathroom. Sometimes more than one.
I am beginning to wonder if the bees think of this bathroom as their graveyard. They routinely send folks over to recce the place to check if they can send their elders here to die peacefully.
Pitter Patter
Every once in a while, while one is on the potty trying to theorize about life’s mysteries, there is a tiny plop and a drop of water trickles down the forehead.
The plumber is called in and he examines the overhead water heater. He suspects that it might have sprung a leak somewhere. Tells us to call him if it happens again.
It happens again a couple of weeks later. The plumber comes along. The entire area is dry as a bone. Not a drop of evidence of any leakage anywhere.
If the plumber knew the word hallucination, he might have hurled it at me.
This happens routinely once in a few weeks, and there is never any trace of water anywhere.
Bizzare! We stopped calling the plumber. Or maybe he stopped answering our calls.
Scary Shit
What better title for this section really!
A couple of nights ago, I was sitting there minding my business. Suddenly the light flickered. It went on and off a couple of times. I wondered if there was a power outage. But the light stayed on, and all was well.
Then the lights flickered again. And then it went off completely. I put it down to the unreliable power backup in our apartment.
Until…my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I saw a sliver of light under the bathroom door. This meant that there was no power outage. It was just in the bathroom.
I gulped. What could this mean? I suddenly noticed that there was an eerie silence all over. The wind whooshed outside.
You can’t blame me for imagining that a hand would come out of the darkness and rest on my shoulder. An out of the world voice would say, ‘Hello, Anu’. The setting was perfect for such an occurrence. I have watched so many movies and read so many books that go in this direction.
I contemplated making a dash for it before the hand materialized. But the consequences of emerging out in my current state might have been more horrifying than the disembodied hand. So I wisely choose to face the hand.
None of this happened, thankfully, and the light magically came back on in a few seconds. The LED bulb looks fine on close examination. There is still no explanation for the bizarre happening.
Going by history, I am just waiting to see what else lies in store for me in this bathroom! Contemplating a board on the door that says, ‘Use at your own peril’.
Anu Anniah Writes 