Sologamy Is a Thing?

Designed by Anu Anniah using Canva

One day I woke up to news that a girl is marrying herself in Gujarat. My eyeballs popped out and rolled under the bed. It took me a while to find them, pop them back, and read the news again.


I’ve read market analysis articles that state there is a huge tilt in demand-supply ratios when it comes to eligible men for wedding purposes. Has the scene become so bad now? Girls are being forced to marry themselves so as to escape the ‘left behind on the shelf’ tag?

This needed more research.

A Google search for Sologamy gave me about 35,000 results. I felt better. The number wasn’t in billions like it usually is for any search result. Just 35,000? Must be a relatively new concept then. I am not under such a big rock after all.

So what is Sologamy? For the uninitiated,

Sologamy means self-marriage. It is a commitment to oneself. A pledge to love ourselves, especially if we are unattached and do not currently have a partner.

I have soooo many questions about this. I am using ‘I’ in the questions below to keep it simple. I tried with they/them and it got very complicated.

Who does the dishes and who does the laundry? How is division of labor established?

What happens if I find someone else after my solo marriage? Do I have to divorce myself? What if I don’t want to? What if I make it ugly and refuse to separate from myself?

What if I have signed a prenup? Who gets all the money? Me? Or Myself? Will there be a bitter fight because I actually earned all of it?

How will I get third-party arbitration to solve issues? Who will the third party talk to?

Do I have to change my last name? Wait — what will I change it to?

No, I don’t have any questions about, erm, what happens at night in the bedroom. No. I really don’t want to go there and interrupt any selfies.

Does one parent stay the parent and the other becomes the in-law?

Who gives alimony and who gets it in case of a separation?

Will I use a single bed or a double bed?

If I take a home loan, can I get extra tax breaks because I am now a couple?

How will the ceremony go? Do I insert a ring on my own finger? Wait — how do I kiss the bride?

How will I produce offspring? If I adopt, will I be a single parent or will I be the parents?

In case of an Indian wedding, do I leave my maternal home through the front door and enter through the back door? No — please, don’t think what you are thinking.

You can see how this piece of information has twisted my brain out of control. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about such a concept. Apparently, sologamy has been showcased in several movies and TV shows. Carrie Bradshaw mentioned it in Sex and the City and the transgender model in Zoolander 2 is married to herself.

Someone wrote a book too — Self-marriage 101! Maybe I should buy it. Maybe it will answer all my questions.

I keep running into more information about this. Apparently, there are self-marriage services — organizations that can walk you through the entire process including the wedding trousseau, vows, shopping, invites, and pretty much everything else involved in a regular wedding.

Hmm. Are there lawyers specializing in sologamy separations? What about premarital counseling for impending sologamists?

When I die, will I be a widow or a widower? Ohhhh! Wait!

Considering how many people are adopting sologamy, there must be something to it. I do not mean to belittle the sentiments of anyone who believes in this practice. Everyone must make choices that feel right for them.

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