A Loo-ey Vuitton Handbag?

Photo by Jonathan J. Castellon on Unsplash. Edited by Anu Anniah

If someone had told flightless humans of yesteryears that they could not only fly, but also eat, sleep, shower, and pee mid-air, they would have scoffed. But you can do all of this and more on planes today. Right?

Now, if I told you that you can pee in your handbags, would you scoff? Scoff all you want, but it is the truth. Handbags could become your own portable toilets. Mark my words!

“How,” you ask?

Let me unravel the whole story about this guy who set out to prove this point. It is a bit debatable — what point did he actually set out to prove? But that is a small matter of semantics that we will ignore for the moment.

I saw this headline in the paper yesterday and nearly peed in my pajamas.

Man Who Peed in His Girlfriend’s Louis Vuitton Bag…


I controlled myself because my pajamas are not designer bags. They are not designed to handle this type of incident. Designer bags on the other hand — hmm, who knows what all design features are included when you pay an arm and a leg. Several news reporters have reached out to Louis Vuitton’s marketing team to get more information.

Let us call the main protagonists of this drama Payal and Rahul. Apparently, the incident happened in South Korea but Louis Vuitton bags are Louis Vuitton bags everywhere. So I am using Indian names. When I imagined the whole scene I saw Indian faces. This is now the story as seen in my mind’s eye 🙂

Payal is like any other young girl who has come into money because she has started earning, and loves to shop. Rahul is a stingy young man. Total mismatch. Payal goes on shopping sprees often and believes saving is for oldies. Rahul is like a cobra guarding its eggs when it comes to his money. The twain shall never agree.

Things blew up when Payal ‘indulged’ in a Louis Vuitton bag. Instead of the muted brown beautiful designer handbag, Rahul saw red. If he had been patient and cross-examined Payal a bit, he would have known better. But that’s the difference between the nouveau riche and old money. Rahul could not tell an original from a first copy. What? Don’t know what first copy means? Tsk tsk. Go buy the original then.

Payal bought a first copy of a cute Louis Vuitton bag and was dying to show it off to her friends. Meanwhile, Rahul came home and saw the bag perched on their dining table. That’s when the argument started. Rahul did not give Payal the chance to educate him about first copies, and Payal was in no mood to placate him since she wanted to end his dominating ways once and for all.

The fight was volume-controlled at first. But as both of them began hurling various family members on either side as arguments, auditory conditions deteriorated. When Rahul couldn’t scream any louder than Payal, he did the best thing anyone could think of to bring the argument to a logical end. He took matters into his own hands. He grabbed the bag, placed it between his feet, unzipped his pants, and peed into it. I have no clue about his aim — what was he trying to prove? That reminds me of a completely unrelated bathroom sign.

Our aim is to keep this place clean. Your aim will help.

What happened after that?

Payal fainted. Rahul came to his senses, rushed the bag to the real loo, and cleaned it as much as he could. When Payal came to, she found the bag sitting on the table again, looking a tad wet, but none the worse for its strange adventure.

Rahul claimed he was just pretending to pee, but he hadn’t realized the pressure he was under and things took an unexpected turn.

Payal hired a lawyer, sued Rahul, and received enough money to buy a real Louis Vuitton scarf.


Experts in designer brand offices are researching the impact of human and other animal excreta on their designer products.

Is there a marketing opportunity here? Can brands use this freak incident to present their products in a new light?

Ladies, presenting your own branded portapotty. Never be far away from a toilet anymore, and do it in style.

Men can continue to fertilize trees, but you, lovely ladies, you are a cut above. Secure your original designer portapotty today!

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