Where Should Our Allegiance Lie?

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Relationships are complex. Period.

I cannot think of a single relationship that is not fraught with the ability to get tangled into knots. Mother-daughter — check. Father-son — check, husband-wife — check. Sisters — check. Brother-sister — check. Girlfriends — check. Best friends — check.


Let us talk about a specific relationship here.

Before I go any further, let me tell you that this post is meant to be a musing, a discussion. I do not have a firm opinion, nor am I judging anyone’s stance in such a situation. I puzzle over this sometimes, and thought it might be good to examine other points of view.

There, the disclaimer is set.

Suma and Pallavi are very good friends. They have been friends since class 7th when Pallavi moved schools and joined Suma’s school. They are besties.

Both Suma and Pallavi have different sets of friends and all their close friends from other walks of life like higher studies and work know each other, somewhat.

Suma and Pallavi meet and hang out with each other’s boyfriends. But after a breakup, the boyfriends moved on and life continued. Usually.

Suma’s latest boyfriend was a guy called Prakash. He was great fun to hang out with and Pallavi got along very well with him when they went out as a group. He was also a mature guy and Pallavi began to rely on him for financial discussions and advice. They met up sometimes just the two of them when Pallavi wanted to run something by Prakash.

Suma didn’t mind. In fact, she was happy to have Pallavi’s approval of Prakash. She envisaged a future where all of them lived happily ever after along with whoever Pallavi decided to get hitched to.

Things came crashing down when Suma and Prakash had a fallout. No one knew what transpired between them, and they did not discuss it with anybody. Not even Pallavi was privy to what happened. The breakup was awful and Suma spent several days crying in Pallavi’s arms.

Unfortunately, this breakup was not simple for Pallavi. Pallavi really liked Prakash, enjoyed chatting with him, and getting his perspective. Prakash felt the same. They both had forged a friendship that went beyond being someone’s boyfriend and someone’s bestie. What should Pallavi do now?

Scenario 1: Since Pallavi did not know what happened between Suma and Prakash she could continue to chat with Prakash as if he were an old friend. Nothing changes for them. Would Suma mind though?

Scenario 2: Assume Pallavi has some idea of why they broke up. This still does not change anything because Pallavi has nothing to do with their reasons. She and Prakash get along, and they can continue to hang out without Suma.

Scenario 3: Regardless of what happened and who was right or wrong between Suma and Prakash, Pallavi’s allegiance is to Suma. She should stop meeting Prakash and cut all ties with him.

Are there other scenarios? Is this situation straightforward? How often do you face a situation like this? You have nothing against the other party in a broken relationship, but you have to breakup too because of your allegiance to one of the two. Is that a fair ask?

Let me know what you think in the comments. Would welcome the perspective.

3 thoughts

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