Rituals are Important in Relationships

Photo by Anupama A

Long-term relationships are about understanding, adjustments, maturity, and a whole bunch of other words with over 6 letters. You need all of these and more to make a relationship work over time, and keep it fresh.

One secret sauce for a relationship to stand the test of time is to come up with some common rituals. This is almost vital for a marriage to last the long haul.

What can couples do to bind themselves together better?

I don’t claim to have the formula for success, but my husband and I have one ritual that we guard fiercely. And we have guarded it over the years.

A Simple Coffee

Whenever possible, if we are at home, we drink our evening (and sometimes the morning too) coffee together. It is as simple as that.

The whole ritual takes about 30 minutes.

It starts with one of us saying, “Shall I make coffee?”

The coffee making takes about 10 minutes because that process needs to be followed diligently too. Mouth-watering details about the process in my post about Coffee Nirvana (link at the bottom).

The piping hot coffee is brought in steel glasses. The venue changes a bit each time. Sometimes it is at the dining table, with snacks and munchies. At other times, it is in the balcony, overlooking greenery and listening to bird song. Sometimes it is on the sofa in the living room. And sometimes, it is anywhere in between, just sitting on the cool floor.

The venue varies just a bit, but the coffee is always the same. The conversation is simple, and easy. Or there is not much talk. We just drink in companionable silence.

The Rules of the Coffee Hour

The Coffee Hour is not the time to discuss life’s problems. This is the time to savor the rich aroma and taste of the coffee, and banter about this and that.

We never sat down and discussed the rules of this ritual. But over time, we both realized how important this ritual is. We never said what topics could be discussed, and what couldn’t. We understood the value of this time…this is for us, and us alone. Just to be together. Without life getting in the way.

Sometimes, the most important thing we discuss is the taste of the coffee.

We accuse each other of adding too much or too little sugar. Or fret about the coffee not being hot enough. Or blame the coffee powder quality. Or complain that there isn’t enough froth on top.

The ritual doesn’t involve fancy restaurants, or expensive shopping, or travel to exotic locales. All of that is good to do too.

But this ritual, for us, this is a relationship cementer.

We both look forward to it. If one of us is out at that time, we call and check how long it will take for that person to arrive. We wait. With the milk ready on the stove.

Through it all, we are both conscious that this is our time, our precious precious half hour.

Where nothing is more important than being present in the moment.

We don’t whisper endearments or coo to each other. But the warmth of the coffee envelops us and tells us we are in a secure space. Both of us. For now, for this moment, and forever.

Photo by Anton Darius | @theSollers on Unsplash

Here’s an interesting Bollywood (Hindi) song that captures the feeling…somewhat:

The first few lines translate into:

With you, even a simple coffee gives me such a kick
With you, even a simple coffee gives me such a kick
With you, the world seems so different
I am enjoying life with you
Oh my love, oh my love, oh my love

The Route to Coffee Nirvana

View at Medium.com


Do you have rituals too? Would love to hear about them. Post a response, or link to your post about your ritual.

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